Beautiful

In hope we live,
on love we thrive,
but if I've lost the best,
how can I survive.

What is my motivation,
to carry on with this journey,
when I have impression,
I don't seek worldly.

Even as a child,
my doubts were firm,
It just cant be this simple,
I have to live and learn.

So I took an oath divine,
I will seek absolute,
which is eternal and whole,
neither sacred nor malign.

I had the notion,
I can rise above,
the smaller things in life,
and see the great design.

In this quest however,
I couldn't restrain,
A certain arrogance seeped in,
that I was a better man.

Maybe It was a manifestation,
of tormented past,
I assumed it unworthy,
that I had lost.

But something I did,
must be providential,
She came to absolve me,
Most beautiful angel.

She pushed me out,
from that dark place,
where I strive for logic,
my only solace.

She saw my plight,
how I was hurting,
fake life, fake love,
kinda tough balancing.

So she opened my eyes,
to her way of life,
where every second is last,
and everyday, a surprise.

She must be fallen,
because she was wicked,
always an ulterior motive,
still wonder what she craved.

An angel though,
she was sent by thee,
God for a greater purpose,
or did she fall for me?

She restored my prime,
showed me option,
how great I can be,
If I can restrain.

I was happiest,
in all my living,
and I did not understand,
another darkness was seeping in,

her smile, her face, her presence,
was radiant as sunlight,
I followed her afterglow,
not knowing I was an addict.

Even all seemed less,
that's when I told that I loved,
She spread her wings softly,
said I can but she cant be trussed.

Did not heed her love,
Inner monster surfaced,
filled with disappointment and rage,
wanted to cage her but she escaped.

Beyond my darkness, to her new abode,
leaving her light behind for me to hold
onto her thought and how she would imagine,
me being me, a new persona, behold.

Now it seems it was meant to be,
for my higher purpose I should be undone,
and take form again to rise even higher,
but still I feel a void in me.

how can I achieve that eternal bliss,
which is beyond right and wrong truly,
If she is not there,
Nature's manifestation of beauty.

a beauty which exists in sanctity
of pure heart, wild love, warm camaraderie,
and all that I want to leave beneath,
only to find it in a single entity.

Maybe I am too far from my goal,
yet many milestones to see,
maybe she will be on the other end,
maybe she too, will be waiting for me.