Evil deeds

I am back so late, so tired
from work yet my brains hardwired;
a rubics cube, I wait to get sorted
thought of you, an image distorted


and faded with time,
I hold on to our memory
but you were never mine
hence my heart gives up slowly


on you, for its the way of nature
and I think of calling her
but a second thought hits
does she really deserves this


or me, for what I offer,
a selfish miserable loner
who rubs of his infectious pain
on four walls of her heart, her brain


in friction, I scrape her life
make it mine, fill crevices with my sorrow,
lessen my pain, so I can get up tommorrow
feels like a parasite, my selfishness rife


like she pays for my solitude
still puts up with thankless attitude
and indulges my darker side
and I wonder where, far and wide


I will find someone like her,
though we are polar opposite characters,
we connect like a yin-yang circle,
so into other's brain, our conversation seems, a rehearsal.


today I feels guilty and sad,
my aura so bad, psyche malignance clad,
pervasive negativity I always had,
is reflecting from the facade


of her presence, her mates say,
I am to blame in way,
thanklessly I wonder yet again,
this price, why will she choose to pay?


for I am oblivious to the concept of alturism,
I am a man of logic and question,
In love too, I did not learn to give,
you left, I lost, and hence this motive,


you, the ultimate objective, but its not of her,
you are mine for taking, yet she suffers;
do you see what fellowship of mine delivers?
and yet again I am selfish, blaming you for her!


at this point, its an operose attempt,
to clear my concience, to achieve content,
state of mind and a pseudo atonement,
honest admission on  written document;


I am the cause of all of these troubles,
I know it well hence my pain doubles,
and I will live with it because I am unable to be,
a person you would want to see


as a part of your future lives,
I will fade in shadows as time severes our ties,
but both of you, I will always remember,
for one I thank god, for other I wish I can wait forever.