Only one

Just a man and a simple one,
Pulling on emotions but a single one,
If let this go, I'll simply go,
I will be my person but an empty one.

Some do assume it dialogue,
Please know that it isn't one,
I talk to self and sell to self,
I am mad, not the only one.

I know time is moving on,
I am ageing ergo I am moving on,
You expect me to be someone else,
It is only this I can become.

Old friends and new, are all tired,
Listening to my stories, more then once,
In my stories, I am the villain,
I fail to conjure any false ones.

Feel for me with such acuity,
I start feeding on your pity,
I know I am an emotional parasite,
Regrettably a pathetic one.

Steadfast on past,blind to future,
I refrain to make life decisions,
Heart heavy, eyes shut, dead on my feet,
I face changes like a coward one.

Verbal spirals, verbose expressions,
Though I mean to say it like simpleton,
It is such a struggle to find love,
When I know I've known my only one.

Dead End

It was irrelevant,
What I felt for you,
How or when I told you,
It was insignificant.

You were indifferent,
If I cared or not,
Or if I listened,
It wasn't a requirement.

I was insistent,
Reading between lines,
Stalking your shadow,
I was unbalanced.

A time well spent,
I was learning love,
You were killing time,
It was entertainment.

Maybe this was destined,
You are where you're supposed to be,
And I am, where I am,
On a dead end!

Living

You say my writings,
Have turned frustrating,
And that I can say nothing more,
I should just let go.

Do you wonder about an anomaly?
Time heals all, eventually,
Still I hold on to love,
My lost treasure trove.

You must understand this,
My words are therapeutic,
Medicine to a chronic hurt,
Lets me sleep at night.

You must believe me,
I can't open myself anymore,
My heart survives on past,
I repeat what I've said before.

I wish there were two suns,
I wish there were two moons,
I wish there was a world,
Where there are two of her.

She is my life and my soul,
Yet far away is her dwelling,
So I create another her with my words,
And keep both of us living.

The Return

I return home again,

I can feel the memories,

In four walls,

Childhood reveries.

Flora and fauna,

Kith and kin,

Give me a sense,

Of eternal belonging.

Emotions are palpable,

Here I learnt to love,

And the heart ache,

Of loss and hate.

A warmth fills me,

My passions flare,

Yet lost in a daily drudge,

Boil to the surface.

Still a void exists,

It is alien to this place,

It is discord in harmony,

Of my present state.

Again I look back,

I am looking at you,

I am not surprised,

You are here too.

Like you are a part,

Of life yet lived,

Like you were the purpose,

Of life yet lived.

God! You look so beautiful,

Wearing that purposeful grin,

Beckoning me to keep moving,

Till I find you again.

Beckoning me to keep moving,

Till the concluding return.

Silence

She will never know,
Words I never said,
Wish I could let her know,
Words I never said.

Sometimes, I speak much,
But mean nothing,
When she spoke to me though,
All I could do was listen,
I silently hoped for it,
I carried her bags for it,
I took the check for it,
But I never had words for it,
To hold her hand and tell her,
I absolutely love it,
When you twirl that fringe of hair,
I can't help but drown,
In this liquid pool of brown,
That is your eyes,
And that heavenly smile,
Kept me foolishly smiling all night.

She is gone now! I didn't stop her,
She couldn't have been here forever,
She is gone now without knowing,
How I felt  about her,
She is gone now! I wish everyday,
I should've told her,
She is gone now! our moment has passed,
But uncertainty pricks at me now and then,
I'd rather suffer consequences of my words, then silence.

Fever dream

Another day in hell,
Another day's survival,
Fear is my driver,
Hope is a poison,
Ambition is a fever dream,
Yet more afraid to count them,
So much to fear.

Late to bed,
Early to rise,
Alcohol in between,
Hate everything besides,
Rejecting this illusion,
Of freedom of choice,
Do I have any choice?
In milieu of malignancy,
When fear starts to take over,
If my phone starts ringing early,
In morning.

How much money,
Is enough money?
I have been dreaming,
Of indulgent living,
In those dreams too,
I am counting money,
And then dreams turns to nightmare,
I don't have enough money,
To buy out life and death.

Staring through spectacle of despair,
Into the mirror of life,
If don't like what I see,
Am I at fault or mirror?

That time

Once I couldn't fathom how deeply,
I can love someone,
Once I couldn't believe how easily,
I could let go of someone,
There was a time when I was ignorant,
of how love and lust are distinct,
There was a time when I was confident,
Unconditional love didn't exist.

Then she came as a force of nature,
like an avalanche, tsunami or storm,
Albeit of a different form,
Like a desire path, to all that made life worth living,
Like a conviction, if death comes, I should die in her arms,
But storm passed, waves receded, she left as she came,
In her wake, left wreckage of emotions,
A hungry soul, shattered notions.

Learned to love but lost to love,
Searching every face to see one face,
Keeping the hope to keep the hope,
Wasting time to wait for a time,
When I see her again, fall in love,
Behold her beauty, feel her warmth,
Hear her laughter, catch her tears,
Hold her close and die in her arms.