Living

You say my writings,
Have turned frustrating,
And that I can say nothing more,
I should just let go.

Do you wonder about an anomaly?
Time heals all, eventually,
Still I hold on to love,
My lost treasure trove.

You must understand this,
My words are therapeutic,
Medicine to a chronic hurt,
Lets me sleep at night.

You must believe me,
I can't open myself anymore,
My heart survives on past,
I repeat what I've said before.

I wish there were two suns,
I wish there were two moons,
I wish there was a world,
Where there are two of her.

She is my life and my soul,
Yet far away is her dwelling,
So I create another her with my words,
And keep both of us living.

The Return

I return home again,

I can feel the memories,

In four walls,

Childhood reveries.

Flora and fauna,

Kith and kin,

Give me a sense,

Of eternal belonging.

Emotions are palpable,

Here I learnt to love,

And the heart ache,

Of loss and hate.

A warmth fills me,

My passions flare,

Yet lost in a daily drudge,

Boil to the surface.

Still a void exists,

It is alien to this place,

It is discord in harmony,

Of my present state.

Again I look back,

I am looking at you,

I am not surprised,

You are here too.

Like you are a part,

Of life yet lived,

Like you were the purpose,

Of life yet lived.

God! You look so beautiful,

Wearing that purposeful grin,

Beckoning me to keep moving,

Till I find you again.

Beckoning me to keep moving,

Till the concluding return.

Silence

She will never know,
Words I never said,
Wish I could let her know,
Words I never said.

Sometimes, I speak much,
But mean nothing,
When she spoke to me though,
All I could do was listen,
I silently hoped for it,
I carried her bags for it,
I took the check for it,
But I never had words for it,
To hold her hand and tell her,
I absolutely love it,
When you twirl that fringe of hair,
I can't help but drown,
In this liquid pool of brown,
That is your eyes,
And that heavenly smile,
Kept me foolishly smiling all night.

She is gone now! I didn't stop her,
She couldn't have been here forever,
She is gone now without knowing,
How I felt  about her,
She is gone now! I wish everyday,
I should've told her,
She is gone now! our moment has passed,
But uncertainty pricks at me now and then,
I'd rather suffer consequences of my words, then silence.

Fever dream

Another day in hell,
Another day's survival,
Fear is my driver,
Hope is a poison,
Ambition is a fever dream,
Yet more afraid to count them,
So much to fear.

Late to bed,
Early to rise,
Alcohol in between,
Hate everything besides,
Rejecting this illusion,
Of freedom of choice,
Do I have any choice?
In milieu of malignancy,
When fear starts to take over,
If my phone starts ringing early,
In morning.

How much money,
Is enough money?
I have been dreaming,
Of indulgent living,
In those dreams too,
I am counting money,
And then dreams turns to nightmare,
I don't have enough money,
To buy out life and death.

Staring through spectacle of despair,
Into the mirror of life,
If don't like what I see,
Am I at fault or mirror?

That time

Once I couldn't fathom how deeply,
I can love someone,
Once I couldn't believe how easily,
I could let go of someone,
There was a time when I was ignorant,
of how love and lust are distinct,
There was a time when I was confident,
Unconditional love didn't exist.

Then she came as a force of nature,
like an avalanche, tsunami or storm,
Albeit of a different form,
Like a desire path, to all that made life worth living,
Like a conviction, if death comes, I should die in her arms,
But storm passed, waves receded, she left as she came,
In her wake, left wreckage of emotions,
A hungry soul, shattered notions.

Learned to love but lost to love,
Searching every face to see one face,
Keeping the hope to keep the hope,
Wasting time to wait for a time,
When I see her again, fall in love,
Behold her beauty, feel her warmth,
Hear her laughter, catch her tears,
Hold her close and die in her arms.

Maximum city

Maximum city,
maxed out at heart,
To say how it showed me love,
I don't know where to start,
Places made it beautiful,
People made it home,
I'd shout out to em and tell em,
City got its pace, I had a good run,
You carry on while I move on,
To explore different tracks,
On my behest, let's not cease the fun,
Work hard play hard and play to win,
Destiny will take us places,
We will reach four corners of the world,
We keep moving without regret,
Because we have this city, to return.

Rain Again

My life and time,
In my mind,
Mimics the flow of river,
Down to the plain,
From highest glacier,
I must have been like ice once,
Time's flow must have been slower,
As I have no memory of that time,
Only that I wished often,
That it would pass soon,
Impatient to break the bonds,
Fragile yet they held me down,
Enough for me to drag years on,
As I grew strong enough to break free,
Into a pace of endless possibility,
A deceiving bliss of a stronger flow,
Flowing down from mountain floor,
No value felt in what I left behind,
Somethings are only learned in due time.

I am a river at its prime,
Life's flow is fine,
Landscape is changing,
I gain some, I lose some,
And I know something,
I will lose my force, color and shape,
To meet the eventual outcome,
Loosing myself to the ocean,
Loosing myself to a new beginning,
Rain down on mountain.

This thought gives me faith,
Makes me believe in existence of god,
And his good intentions,
An explanation for that death,
No benevolent god would've allowed,
For old memories are forgotten as we make new ones,
It was your soul that touched me,
I take comfort in believing I will see you again,
A familiar camaraderie,
Albeit different face, different name.

Despair

The gift of sleep,

Lures me to a place,

Among the shadows,

Domain of nightmares,

I am petrified,

Of path ahead,

Where my vision is defied,

A path beyond bodily death,

Can anyone divine the journey of soul?

Eternal afterlife or cycle of rebirth,

If no, will I cease to be?

If so, what legacy worth the fight?

Or flight? If only this petty end exists.

I lose to despair,

By the moment I grow less,

I seek detachment,

As I invert the hour glass.