Unreal

An overwhelming sadness,
A lurching madness,
Can I really pick and choose,
I love you and I hate you.

What heart wants,
To make a small jaunt,
To get near you,
And get to cheer you.

But your moods whimsical,
Demand all nonsensical,
Which means much to you,
But I fail to see through.

Further stand-off it creates,
Which our ego aggravates,
Obvious choice to break or bend,
None is ready to make amend.

My selfish way,
Makes me say,
I apologise to you again,
Which I don't really mean.

As an honest man though,
I make you understand so,
This will happen twice,
I'll hurt you and make nice.

Take that for which you can pay,
Choose to stay or move away,
Anyway it won't matter in long run,
We are, but figment of my imagination.

Crowd

Today lets go back in the time,
When I couldn't blow it off in rhyme,
You people lingered around then too,
You people had me convinced too,
That there was this need of compliance,
That my awkward existence was an annoyance,
And of course benchmark was the crowd,
Of which I always chose to stay out,
Though back then I never knew,
What crowd translates to,
That it only symbolizes mediocrity,
Which in no way is part of me,
Today I understand your anger,
I refuse to mock your failure,
In your place, I would be angry too,
I've failed yes but not as much as you,
Because you keep pushing it in my face,
All that is wrong with human race,
Particularly your miserable existence,
Is end result of my nonchalance,
I know this is how you find solace,
Elevate your self by pointing my mistakes,
It angered me initially,
Now I only feel sorry,
You've been there once for me,
Living here is impossible lonely,
So I craved for your company,
Hoping an avid camaraderie,
I assumed I had your empathy,
I realise it was futile sympathy,
Stemmed subconsciously of your inferiority,
Life is little easy when you get to patronize me,
So this is my gift to you,
I don't mind If you feel good too,
At least I can give selflessly,
You even put price to amicability,
I smoke, drink and swear earnestly,
And I can admit this with honesty,
Upon which you choose to deject me
Hence I am sure that you secretly,
See this as a incapability,
To contemplate someone like me,
Can survive this drudge so happily,
Where you fail so comprehensively,
So you try to tell me otherwise,
See me under illusion or disguise,
It makes me sad for I see you a friend,
Prejudices have blinded you to excellence,
You tell me that I am no good,
Labelled by your cipher sisterhood,
Which entirely dwells on mediocrity,
While it is plagued by jealousy and self-pity,
So I forgive you whilst you judge me,
I won't be you just because you can't be me.

Necropolis

These pictures look fake,

As much as the smiles you make,

And what would you take,

To rid me of this ache,

This goes only to come back,

To my heart straight,

To drive in a stake,

Of an infectious hate,

And I am reduced to a state,

Which you would call degenerate,

Because pain drives me crazy,

While I struggle with ‘if’ and ‘maybe’,

And I've known the kind,

Of a sound mind,

And I know what it never does,

Asks for someone's blood,

Not sure when did I start,

When my instincts begun to dart,

Towards this malicious need,

To see your kind bleed,

And let it wash over,

Seep in the soul gone sour,

I couldn't believe what I did,

Mesmerized, my lips I licked,

I swear I could feel the veins,

Pulsing life, making me insane,

Formidable lust to feel the warmth,

Of your neck, you in my arms,

I felt the love as I ripped apart,

Sense of belonging in your every part,

Such absolute unions made me cry,

Meticulously with care I bled you dry,

Breathtaking till last breath,

Most beautiful even in death,

You were dead, I lived again,

Savouring the sickness and stench,

It didn't last though I felt my skin burn,

Dawn broke and sunrise begun,

Crestfallen I struggled to get off my bed,

Get ready for another day and go back to dead.

A Defeat

There she goes trusting,
Here he is lusting,

If this relation is a lady,
It is raped already,

It is too late to save,
Only an afterthought to rave,

Like her trust matters much,
Like it ain't just paranoid fuss,

Like he fears moral authority,
Like he can fight his monstrosity,

But he is confused though denies,
Himself as two he identifies,

She is a part of his existence,
Despite a formidable resistance,

In unity they refuse to coexist,
In division they cease to exist,

In their true form as law of nature,
Of whom he believes himself truest creature,

So he overpowers to supersede,
But conscience are her seed,

Making roots on this scourged earth,
Warming up this ever cold hearth,

But her push is too covert,
And his pull is too overt,

He is seemingly an absolute winner,
Even if she holds strongly in the interior,

And only actions can be seen,
Thoughts are too hard to glean,

In his win he is aloof,
In her defeat they both lose,

An eternal dilemma of right and just,
Such is the story of love and lust.

Same Love

Memories do wonder,

Mostly we forget,

Shades we remember,

Of happiness and regret,

Today it brought former,

It was a thought,

Of our time together,

It was love I am sure,

Though we weren't lovers,

But we were in it together,

One little less, other more,

I thought you took it,

With you when you left,

Now I see you didn't,

You protected it instead,

Now I hold it dear,

I am reckless no more,

Diligent in this matter,

Love ain't a chore,

Yes I will learn more,

I will learn to love again,

But I still yearns for you,

After all, love is same,

And so the happy thought,

You are a memory of light,

Though I miss you a lot,

You make my days bright,

By little things you do,

To make me realise,

That you still remember me,

And miss me too.

Wrong Lane

Heart a spirited air-plane,
Marked to no particular destination,
Meandering through runway of life,
Again took off through a wrong lane.

A boon or bane?
Penchant for falling again,
Asked for direction to dreams,
Life pointed to the wrong lane.

Pleasure in pursuit of love,
Invites rejection's pain,
Sand castles of hope,
Always built in wrong lane.

Desires are insane,
Milieu different I am same,
My obsessions are scarce,
Only available at wrong lane.

People suspect deliberation,
A propensity to seek heart ache,
Imagine I thrive on hit and run,
Perpetrated on wrong lane.

Left-right left-right,
Left propriety rightly vain,
Parade of self restraints,
Marching off to wrong lane.

This blank ticket to future,
Once bore someone's name,
Indifferent of queue today,
I seek one in wrong lane.

Innocent twinkle in your eyes,
Intrigues me to reach for these beacons,
So beautiful yet unclear from distance,
Is it you at far end of wrong lane?

Comforting Friend

This is right that is wrong,
It is that simple to her,
Her world is of two shades,
Unthinkable to colour her.

Extreme in her clarity of thought,
Knows what she wants and what not,
Beyond the difference of want and need,
I often fail to sow suspicion's seed.

Argue with her but in vain,
Perception overpowers logic,
And I voluntarily deign,
To earn the smile exotic.

I fear I corrupt her,
Showing world's real face,
In between malign and pure,
Letting her explore that place.

Maybe I undervalue,
Her sense and intellect,
Assumptions are obtuse,
Condescension incorrect.

Beyond comprehension,
This young woman,
A nimble wit bearing,
A shell of simpleton.

I see this woman,
Holding out on her own,
I sense this girl,
Looking out for her own.

She puts a tough front,
Lone free spirit,
Without fears or care,
If he is with her in it.

Look close you will see,
Little chinks in this wall,
Overt vulnerability,
Of a lonely girl.

About their love,
I neither doubt or care,
But if I liked eyes,
I would love this pair.

As I see her see me,
I try to see more,
Glean her mystery,
To see me some more.

But an idle fantasy,
Her choices are resolute,
Trees of imagination,
Never bear any fruit.

Still I welcome her,
In my universe,
I have more to me,
I wish for her to traverse.

Not to claim her as my own,
Flowers belong to the garden,
But to stay as sun and wind
Distant yet a comforting friend.

Two wounds

Two wounds on my body,
Of Ambition and of Apathy,
To rise above the earthly,
I strive to achieve satiety,
Hence ambition remained,
Apathy could not be gained.

Two wounds on my body,
Of Knowledge and of Ignorance,
I know some of many,
Still not all of any,
This knowledge of ignorance,
Brings mighty discontent.

Two wounds on my body,
Of Pride and of Humility,
I choose not to test you,
In belief, I can best you,
My conscience caught in perplexity,
Am I proud of my modesty?

Two wounds on my body,
Of Forgiveness and of Animosity,
I don't forget, I do forgive,
I douse the flame but embers outlive,
This divine intention eludes me,
My absolution rendered dreamy.

Two wounds on my body,
Of Love and of Hate,
Hate festers in love's void,
And keeps me strongly tied,
To your archaic memories beaut,
coalesced cherish and loathe.

Two wounds on my body,
One outweighs the other,
It changes with the moment,
As I distinguish holy from malevolent,
Is there one to choose?
Of wounds reflecting a ruse,
Mirror image or cause and effect,
But not absolute for me to select,
Curtailed in this predicament,
I suffer this hurt in silence.

Tell-tale

I am told I am depressed

And I fail to recognise it

I am not moving on

I even fail to hide it

I am told it is easy

To find love again

I am often hopeless

It wont lessen the pain

I am told its self induced

I harbour it and aggravate

I've concocted a hell

In my brain to immolate

I am told by some

I aim to garner pity

I operate in desperation

I tend to psychopathy

I am told I am no different

Not special in discourtesy or tact

I refuse to acknowledge mediocrity

Integral to myself as fact

I am told by many

I don't like to listen

I am told too much

I don't wish to fathom

I believed in happy endings

I was wishful as a babe

So I am plagued with obsession

My wishes are my cage

Heartlessly

Stand out in crowd,
Most beautiful you,
False yet true,
I loved effortlessly.

We split and unite,
In our personal fight,
Over love and pride,
I argued uselessly.

A steel blade,
A diamond slate,
A heart like that,
I feared endlessly.

Your presence warm,
Kept me strong,
Under coldest storm,
I searched mindlessly.

You were away,
I lost my way,
No hope to stay,
I fell countlessly.

Nightmares end,
You came and went,
Embraced acceptance,
I slept hopelessly.

Time heals,
As time reels,
Out of grasp,
I aged listlessly.

End is near,
80th year,
Your memories flare,
I died senselessly.

Mirror

girl you gone so bad,
often it makes me sad,
to see this abomination,
feels partly my creation,
but I over-think about it,
this bit I doubt it,
that I was there just a little much,
you were always latently such,
self image so shallow,
in ignorance you wallow,
that snap you press on hundred minds,
only to receive a few rewinds,
of fake appreciation full of lechery,
feeling content revealing your misery,
that only physicality defines you,
emptiness entwines you,
so you feel this disconnect,
these mirrors you reject,
who reflect your mistake,
that you only learned to take,
and whatever you dole out,
to assuage your ego stout,
with cognizance of your philanthropy,
you reduce it to mockery,
but who are you mocking,
have a revelation shocking,
you lose friends, gain perfumes,
with lovers gone, loneliness looms,
and that is how reality strikes,
this outward self back bites,
which was created to impress,
now a reason of distress,
readily translated to promiscuity,
you face crisis of identity,
you don't feel your true self as this,
great blight comes with ephemeral bliss,
in this dark water you peddle for hope,
and in me you find an ever present rope,
which can pull you to a distant shore,
unburden your baggage to accommodate more,
and this negativity you readily infuse,
I somehow find hard to refuse,
failing to see how your conscience operates,
takes some of me and degenerates,
and it became evident in past,
I embraced true love but you I lost,
weak heart did not let me be truthful,
till today I am remorseful,
only that you have on me,
only reason I let it be,
or maybe I feel some of you can be salvaged,
not for me though as I have envisaged,
a picture for me which none of your's express,
she came and went, her memories beyond regress,
my word-hoard exhausts to do this best,
narrate my abhorrence as I lay it at rest.

Soul sister

You thought it and I said it,
Every time we have made it,
One conciousness in, two bodies outer,
Hey soul sister.

That day brought you some good luck,
I felt butterflies in my stomach,
You can vouch I wasn't a beholder,
Hey soul sister.

Your silence was deafening,
I could feel my world sinking,
You cried alone all night I was a listener,
Hey soul sister.

You smiled cosmetic, sadness disguised,
I knew today I have to be by your side,
How, what and why did not matter,
Hey soul sister.

Once we carried the weight of world on our shoulder,
Few of those days we took turns for each other,
I'd be your strength but you were always stronger,
Hey soul sister.

Two people never meant to be together,
Are seldom designed to compliment each other,
But we have to embrace this anomaly of nature,
Hey soul sister.