Questions

not always I fantasize of her,
oh it takes too much to touch her,
getting drunk till I cant feel my feet,
willingly surrender to this defeat,
I have been accused of this before,
as she said I was trying to feel her,
now it makes sense how it all happened,
rejected me would go to this end,
can you really say whats in my head,
is it me and you on a bed?
or maybe a broken shell of man,
holding on to his champion,
for a relief which world wont offer,
so much sealed in this coffer,
I still get drunk and think of you,
in these hallucinations I am holding you,
but how dare you doubt my intent,
didnt I prove myself better than this revilement?
what did you think when I sat all night long,
trying to protect your slumber from clang,
and commotion of bitter rail roads,
and this sleepless night goads,
was all that I was, earned shit?
yea there was a time I did opposite,
of what you expected but you did too,
you left my side in that group of spoof,
who pretended to be allies but nonetheless,
bit your back at best of their prowess,
was it not me who stayed by your side,
protected your honour to that chide,
and this is the tribute you give to me,
I have to feel guilty of this memory,
when I held you in drunken rage,
vying for judging on this cerebral stage,
I proceed with my life bearing this abomination,
you hold me shamed of this violation.

You know best

too much on my heart right now,
you say move on but dont tell how,
when I say this dont take me wrongly,
how to let go which I held so strongly,
since such a long time so well spent,
although our good memories have few dent,
nonetheless best time of my life,
never wished to end in pointless strife,
of you I just kept one view,
in world exists one like me too,
and in time of need you always come through,
like you were designed to see me through,
and I percieved you as best in women,
but had one of my own so maintained a distance,
but dysfunctional love put such huge pressure,
I got addicted to your comforting nature,
those were times when you were only escape,
rest all in life seemed in such bad shape,
my assailable heart fell for it gradually,
let go of rational and thrive on fantasy,
but we have to wake up from every dream,
unplugged from matrix not ready for ream,
a pampered child who lost his blanket,
that phase of life was such a racket,
months of gloom I missed you dearly,
but new sun dawned and I could see more clearly,
and you were still there holding on to hope,
maybe we can salvage some of this burnt crop,
you still saw the best in me,
infused me with your magical glee,
you showed me how we were so special,
and anything more would've burst this bubble,
and I cried in shame for I could not see,
you've been someone I could never be,
now I cant differ between the sun and you,
fill me with light through and through,
but nights like these I still miss you bad,
scared of relapse whenever I am sad,
guess that is me just being paranoid,
so far away yet by my side,
I feel you and on your shoulder I will rest,
beaten to dirt I'll stand at your behest.
In you I believe for you know best.