Forever

I can't recall when I turned monster,
Maybe it was when I lost her,
or maybe it is something I foster,
to project myself as darker another.

Reason are myriad, one stands out,
This scheme was to push pain out,
My cerebrum designed, no doubt!
that it consumed me, I know nothing about.

Still humanity lingers like fear of god,
It strongly manifests in manners odd,
Juvenile memories, lost love, paint a picture flawed,
and I gaze in this oblivion as my tears dropped.

Yet again I feel human again,
At this wondrous site, my darkness wanes,
This cot, table, window panes,
Old memories flush me, happiness remains.

Outside this bliss, lies a cut-throat world,
Where I am fake, a politician, opportunist and nerd,
From this calm abode, it seems a debauchery,
but I will leave in time to be one of the party.

So I take this time to lay back and cherish,
In my loved ones company, I relish
my bed, my blanket, my mothers feast,
as pleasant like winter afternoon's heat.

As I let go all motives and all fear,
This serene peace lingers near
my heart and my brains are clear,
I see true goal, I will persevere.

I believe this journey we make on earth,
Purpose is not power, fame, wealth,
or any other agenda stealth,
Only satisfaction in heart, true love, good health.

I feel it flow through my shell,
makes me whole, where my childhood dwell,
My human sparks, begins to foam,
Only at this place, I call home.

And though it grieves me, I will leave tomorrow,
I thrive in darkness, another sorrow,
But I know my monster cannot be me ever,
For again I will come back, my home forever.