Crazy in love

I loved, it was a phase,
in time we parted ways,
and I was in state of daze,
being in such an awkward place.


I drank, one wrong move,
because you were so aloof,
and my paranoia drove,
it was then, our hearts broke.


I grieved, you were hurt,
I was sad, you were curt,
and I felt truly, it was justified,
what's past could not be rectified.


I moved, atleast tried,
for I knew I was tied,
to figments of that memory lane,
those winters could never come again.


I dreamt, a few nights,
beyond our wrongs and rights,
two of us, watching sunrise on a hill,
a subtle thought touched, like early morning chill.


I ignored, life was busy,
in different worlds, living in a tizzy,
but in dark of night, on that lonely platform,
dwelled a loner, living in his dream, to reform.


I reflected, of my happiest,
it was not what you would expect,
It was our jabber, sitting behind all people,
those silly moments when our joy was palpable.


Hence I know, what I really missed,
not you but of you, it wont cease to exist,
a milieu, when our imperfections contracted,
an addicting high, when our chemicals reacted.


Do it wrong and we are salt and water,
and It feels alright the way I have her,
like nature designed us, in noble ways,
you are still with me, not more, not less.

Evil deeds

I am back so late, so tired
from work yet my brains hardwired;
a rubics cube, I wait to get sorted
thought of you, an image distorted


and faded with time,
I hold on to our memory
but you were never mine
hence my heart gives up slowly


on you, for its the way of nature
and I think of calling her
but a second thought hits
does she really deserves this


or me, for what I offer,
a selfish miserable loner
who rubs of his infectious pain
on four walls of her heart, her brain


in friction, I scrape her life
make it mine, fill crevices with my sorrow,
lessen my pain, so I can get up tommorrow
feels like a parasite, my selfishness rife


like she pays for my solitude
still puts up with thankless attitude
and indulges my darker side
and I wonder where, far and wide


I will find someone like her,
though we are polar opposite characters,
we connect like a yin-yang circle,
so into other's brain, our conversation seems, a rehearsal.


today I feels guilty and sad,
my aura so bad, psyche malignance clad,
pervasive negativity I always had,
is reflecting from the facade


of her presence, her mates say,
I am to blame in way,
thanklessly I wonder yet again,
this price, why will she choose to pay?


for I am oblivious to the concept of alturism,
I am a man of logic and question,
In love too, I did not learn to give,
you left, I lost, and hence this motive,


you, the ultimate objective, but its not of her,
you are mine for taking, yet she suffers;
do you see what fellowship of mine delivers?
and yet again I am selfish, blaming you for her!


at this point, its an operose attempt,
to clear my concience, to achieve content,
state of mind and a pseudo atonement,
honest admission on  written document;


I am the cause of all of these troubles,
I know it well hence my pain doubles,
and I will live with it because I am unable to be,
a person you would want to see


as a part of your future lives,
I will fade in shadows as time severes our ties,
but both of you, I will always remember,
for one I thank god, for other I wish I can wait forever.