Relapse

when you left, you left something behind
of you or maybe it was mine all the time;
a composite of love, guilt and and self loathing but it is fine;
I live with this undying urge that binds

me to your existence but now the times have changed;
I don't think of you always, all days;
but it happens this night when moon light plays
with wind, strikes me, takes me to time we had;

I become an objective observer of me in past,
holding on to something I knew wont last;
It was a mirage that only i could see,
mostly because i wished it to be

real in my creepy universe where I was the lucky guy,
and it disgusts me to see the 12th grade pass by;
all over again and I trip, broke inside and making a happy face,
lessons learned in teenage, down the drain, me along, such disgrace

to that code, tear coated, my heavenly connect,
helped me always, my intelligence quotient;
and I am pulled into this black hole inside me,
my new universe where my inside consume the outside of me;

I choke, lungs struggle for air, throat dry,
in absolute reality its my sub-conscious try,
to black out the memories, to wish the pain away,
some inner monster feels only physical pain, a way.

Every day a happy day, few nights yours,
but it inspire only self pity, an emotion so pure
they say makes me destroy a bit of it in me this night
the you in me, my nervous system, lessened a bit this night.