Happy Verse

I lived another day,
Traversed another way,
Searching for happiness,
To create a happy verse,
Grand scheme of universe,
If I give my heart to it,
A powerfully imbued quest,
Will render desired result.

Alas another failure,
And fault is yours,
For expecting more,
When there was none,
Except the ones,
Vile or melancholy creations,
Conceived to spew venom,
Brood of my pessimism.

Man dead, Animal dead,
Poor animal, all ululated,
Who was man? nobody cared,
Every corner I set my eyes,
You are wrong, I am right,
Greater good? but who decides?
While one like me dies,
Other survives, justifies, eventually dies.

We all share same fate,
Why then pandemic hate?
No rationale as such,
We anyway don't live much,
Meeting needs of existence,
Holding unseen gods in reverence,
While world around is meaningless,
How do I create a happy verse?

Never enough

Is anything ever enough?
Vocation doesn't pay enough,
Future doesn't look good enough,
Scalp has even lesser hair,
Body needs ever more care,
I was born sharp,
But not sharp enough,
Always almost there,
Almost is never enough,
I never dreamt magnificence,
Mundane seemed quite enough,
Hoped for love, life, no regrets,
Earned some but never enough,
A life spent in chase,
Ever discontent,
Grievance in phases,
It just won't relent,
And when death came,
All senses snuffed,
Still lingered to behold my pyre,
Finality wasn't enough,
I blazed, reduced to ashes,
At least that heap of wood was enough.

Woman in Green

Day’s end, as I retire to my room,

I am struck by her herbal perfume,

Woman in green waits for me,

Burning desire to burn for me,

I am struck by her selfless love,

I caress her like a dove,

She crumbles in my embrace,

In her fragrance I revel,

Rolling up in a sheet of paper,

She smoulders to the next level,

Her kiss made me lose all sense,

Burnt in bliss, the past, future and present,

Her warmth is a new hope,

Our love aflame,

Her embrace is like smoke,

While she draws in my pain,

I drift to a different world,

I am awake as I sleep,

Holding on to my girl,

Indefinite time passes,

No better lover,

Woman in green,

She won’t stay forever,

I take care of ashen reality,

She leaves with a promise however,

Every night, she will wait for me.

EVOL

I am sick of hiding,

Often I cry inside,

I've given up the fight,

Some of me have already died,

I wonder about my purpose,

Thought of future brings dread,

What have I become?

After all this time,

Is survival my only feat?

I can’t take the way out,

Too proud to admit defeat,

I dreamt of love,

Dreams are the enemy,

I am scared to sleep.

Under the pretence of honesty,

All the lies weep,

Person in the mirror laughs at me,

What kind of existence is this?

Each one of you will love me,

But I've to let go of being myself?

For love I concede... I lie, I hide,

Some of me have already died.

Hate Speech

I've been drinking,

Getting this feeling,

Only emotion that’s left,

Is anger and hate,

And I lie to myself,

Know it fair well,

I pretend I still love you,

When I really want to kill you,

And kill all that you represent,

I am filled with resentment,

For being a weakling,

For always pretending,

That I thrive on love and faith,

When I am only filled with infinite hate.

They all went away

In the end, they all went away.

One wanted the world,

Felt she settled for less,

All of him too was never enough,

Both lived with regret.

In the end, they all went away.

One wanted the playmate,

She lived for the day,

His emotions seemed unseemly,

Mistaking love for play,

In the end, they all went away.

One wanted that who cares,

She was broken inside,

Mending his own heart,

He couldn't fill the divide,

In the end, they all went away.

One wanted reassurance,

She was the true friend,

Expectations plague this bond,

She was never convinced,

In the end, they all went away.

One wanted to look beautiful,

Truth is beauty,

Her truth was never his,

So he failed to see,

In the end, they all went away.

He was wanted in parts,

His person was never wanted,

Lost himself part by part,

None left when she departed,

In the end, they all went away.

Dementia

Why don’t you let go?

Do I really need too?

Are you in love?

Not with you!

Then why do I have to stay?

You want to go away?

Surely this is what I need,

I will agree indeed!

So you do care?

It is only fair,

Spare a straight answer?

Answers won’t matter,

You keep me intrigued,

You choose to stay belied,

Care enough to disillusion me?

I was never in love with you, never will be,

I don't like this conversation,

Suggest an appropriate deviation,

Do you wish to answer a question?

I am in tow,

Why don’t you let go?

Lunch Break

A man sitting at roadside eatery,

Sad or tired I can’t say clearly,

An indifferent weather-beaten face,

Feeding out of a thin paper plate,

Its content apparently irrelevant,

Random thoughts crossed my mind,

I don’t know anything of his battles,

For each there are different shackles,

Is he living a life of hardships?

Will mine be a luxury compared to his?

A few minutes passed over pondering,

My lunch break I was squandering,

So I decided to assuage my appetite,

Joining this man at shady joint,

But much time was spent and duty called,

I had to leave without any meal at all.

Twin Flame

It is a story of old,

Of twin flame it was told,

One soul created to perfection,

Destined to wander in separation,

As twin flame in this material world,

To meet and part in cycle of birth,

In multiple planes across time,

To seek the union of emancipation,

Hence I counted my days,

Hoping no desires left to sate,

Sure, there will be no closure,

A void that stays put forever,

Never knew you will come again,

Albeit another face and name,

Here again I am in love with you,

Yet again I am left alone too,

Wasn't this the curse of next life?

To what do I owe the relapse grief?

This anomaly brings me mighty pain,

Weren't we the ‘twin flame’?

Broken Window

If you stop running and see,
Looking into my eyes clearly,
Behold the darkness in the shadows,
Through the pane of broken window,
The structure is dilapidated,
This existence is isolated,
But no damage is such,
That time won't mend much.

Darkness lingers in empty space,
It awaits salvation in this place,
It hides the broken me from you,
It longs to reveal all to you,
For you become that sunlight,
This darkness craved to imbibe,
Sunlight shines despite broken window,
Enlightens my soul, rid me of shadows.

Someday I might shine on you,
You might discover light in me too,
Someway you let me inside you,
I might take away your darkness too,
Somehow this rare feat come to pass,
You see beyond the cracked glass,
Unless you run and let it all go,
Leave me a solitary broken window.

Real Find

Her skin so clear,
Like morning air,
With tint of dawn,
To the perfection,
I tried to like,
But I could not like.

Her hair has such sheen,
Moonlit night they seem,
Fall down in tangles,
An immaculate ensemble,
I tried to like,
But I could not like.

Her eyes are stars,
Twinkle shines afar,
Hold me by a blink,
Melt me by a wink,
I tried to like,
But I could not like.

Her words are gold,
Like wisdom of old,
Spent well with care,
I get some to share,
I tried to like,
But I could not like.

This beautiful person,
This serendipity,
This sudden attraction,
Age old proclivity,
So I tried to like,
Why I could not like?

Simplicity at heart,
Compassion as an art,
Love in reciprocation,
Trust in inclination,
I tried to find,
But I could not find.

Because of You

Do you believe in soul mate?
I tell you they separate,
As if not all that is good,
Is meant to be as it should,
I made peace with the fact,
No love would ever last,
And I took this call,
Never to take this fall,
Just this was life's promise,
Live life of compromise,
But there you stormed in,
Broke my walls from within,
Seasoned system of belief,
Crumbled down without relief,
Swiftly the world changed,
A heart which was chained,
Broke free and took pace,
Towards more heartache,
This awareness of consequence,
Seemed trivial to relinquish,
Hope for more than mere existing,
Live more while I am still living,
This change is astounding,
This familiar  longing,
Till now was absconding,
Seems to be rebounding,
So this risk I will take,
Keep my heart at stake,
Reaching out for my due,
I will try to love you.

Socially Awkward Girl

Behind the walls of suspicions,

She hides all her bizarre notions,

Alone in the fight against the world,

Survives daily, this socially awkward girl.

Generous at times for reasons trifle,

Or being heartless for motives nonsensical,

Earns my ire but to no avail,

Such are the whims of socially awkward girl.

In life she seeks simplicity,

To exist free of complexity,

Though feels she might seem unemotional,

These fears trouble the mind of socially awkward girl.

She wants to be this other person,

Darling to all, unknown to none,

Still she is alone more than usual,

She never wished to be a socially awkward girl.

I am beyond wit to explain it,

Why her silence pulls at me,

Rendering our conversations spatial,

I talk my brain away to the socially awkward girl.

More and more her mysteries entice me,

I strive to demystify what is beyond her eyes,

Unseemly though, this desire is insatiable,

She never seemed to me a socially awkward girl. 

This Moment

In my personal ability,
I intend to seek out beauty,
Beyond supeficial contemplation,
That evokes an appreciation,
For existense of this anomaly,
Your beautiful eccentricity,
Your overwhelming confusion,
Yet baffling conviction,
Like you are sure of wrong or right,
But it brings me such delight,
To unriddle your black and white,
And present to you in form extricate,
Only to surrender at this relisation,
My logic can never change your perception,
As I share my willingness to concede,
You confess you too agreed,
Although not sure on what point,
Making it a debate of different kind,
And we go about it in cricles,
Till I spot that spark ephemeral,
A manifestation of true beauty,
Unique to this personality,
Since I can't define the stimulus,
This reaction stays ambiguous,
Followed by an undefined flair,
I can see beauty everywhere,
From blemish on your skin,
To Tangles of your hair,
From fears of a girl,
To a woman's dare,
I find this beauty in you,
And I agree with you too,
I recognise fate's intent,
Though it was never meant to last,
We both deserved this moment.